Keemoe #2

March 8, 2013

Well campers, it was a day...

That started out just fine actually.  We got to sleep in a little, have a nice breakfast together, leave the house somewhat casually.  Then we got to meet with one of our favorite people, a lovely woman named Lauren who is the PA for our Fertility doc.  She is one of the most encouraging, lovely, competent people we've met in this whole process and the 3 of us have developed a great repoir, WHICH throughout this otherwise ugly experience has been such a wonderful relief. She is fantastic and I hope she reads this because she oughta know that we appreciate her so very much. This appointment with Lauren was just a follow-up to the fertility preservation process that Ade underwent a few weeks ago and the basic result of that appt was that all systems are a go.  We have 7 potential Jeydriennes on ice, 3 "straws" of 2 eggs apiece and 1 straw with 1 egg in it.  That means that there are 4 potential attempts that we can make should we decide that IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) is the route we want or need to go.  Lauren shared with us (appreciative that she shared AFTER the fact) that they were statistically expecting to get 2-3 eggs, so the fact that we got 7 is wonderful.  My wife is an egg-making maCHINE!  A regular 1-woman chicken coop. 

As I said, just a lovely way to start the morning.  That was at 10:45.

Then we went to the Breast Center (Or, the "Boobie Center" you might say) for our next step which is where they access her port, which just means they stick her with a medieval torture device called a "central line" somethingorother.  The put a little needle through her skin and into the port that has a flat head on it about the size of a quarter with a 4-5" line coming out of it.  On the other end of that line is a standardized connector that matches that of IV lines and such.  They put a big ol piece of Tegaderm over it and that sucker stays in her body for the rest of the day. After that appt, we tried to have her boobies expanded, and got a little tongue lashing for not making an appt.  (Which was a little annoying by the way because last time we were in we asked to have an appt for the expansions made in conjunction with each of the forthcoming chemo appts and were told to consider it done...apparently such was NOT the case) Pfffffffffffft.

We met with our oncologist just before the infusion too which was great.  It was so nice to see her face-to-face and to get to ask questions and be encouraged that all of the stuff she is going through is normal and expected, even though it sucks.  Our oncologist by the way is a stud...during the whole hospital thing last weekend, we called her no less than 5 times, several of which were between the hours of 10pm and 4am.  During our appt yesterday we apologized and thanked her for that, to which she responded that she didnt mind at all and was happy to do it and that it is a part of doing what she loves to do.  Fantastic woman, that one.

So then we head to infusion and thats where it started to go downhill.  They give her 4 pre-meds which are Benadryl, Dexamethosone, Pepcid and...one other.  They are all either for nausea prevention or to help prevent against anaphylactic reaction to the dilutent that one of the two chemo drugs is mixed with.  Its strange because the drug in question is called Taxotere and it is mixed with some other substance to keep it stable or whatever and its that other thing that the drug is mixed with that people often have a severe allergic reaction to, not the drug itself...and that's exactly what happened to Ade.  She was about 6 minutes into the infusion and all of a sudden and I mean all of a SUDDEN her stomach hurt, then her back hurt, then she started having trouble breathing and she was crying.  I'm telling you this was in 3 seconds, no kidding.  Our nurse Gwen, also a wonderful woman, was so calm and precise with how she handled it.  She immediately stopped the drug, calmly but swiftly walked out of our little cell, commanded someone to call the on-call oncologist, immediately came back in and began to talk to Adrienne, calm her down, gave her another shot of some steroid that she had left to get which helped Ade a great deal.  Anyway, by this time there are 4 nurses, an oncologist, several MAs and then the 4 of us standing in a space not much larger than a public bathroom...we were close.  I'm just sayin.  

It really scared her because of what are both the benefit and drawback to mainlining drugs...it gets immediately dispersed throughout your body. BUT, that also makes it easy to stop it. She said the reason it was so scary was because it was so sudden.  The nurse told us that the way the pump works, the first 20 cc's or so of fluid are actually just the saline they mix it with - that's why she got 5-6 minutes into the infusion.  Once the actual drug started into her veins, that's when she had the reaction and her body started freaking out. 

SOOOOOO...they then gave her another steroid as I mentioned, (She can now bench 270 by the way...curious.) and the nurse called our oncologist. The recommendation that came back was to wait 30 minutes to make sure the steroid was in full effect and then to restart the drug at half the rate of infusion, so twice as slow as the original speed. After that 30 minute wait, they restarted it and since they just started where they left off instead of actually restarting the pump that means the drug immediately started entering her system again.  Most tense 45 seconds of my life.  But she handled it really well.  No more reaction, no more steroids.  

She did really well after that.  What should have been a 1 hour infusion turned into a 2 hour, and then we still had a 15 minute wait and then another 30 minute infusion of the second drug so after all that and a trip to Sprouts on our way home to get something that is supposed to help with mouth sores, we got home around 8:45.  I made a lovely batch of hamburgers and fries and we enjoyed a nice dinner together somewhere in the neighborhood of 9:45 last night.  That's normal, right?

It was almost a 12-hour day at the hospital, which sucked, but it wasinfused with good people (see what I did there?) and after all...we got to be together.

A thought for you that has been rattling around in my skull as we've been walking through all of this - Please take the time to remember that God has a plan for you and, believe it or not it is to prosper you and not to harm you.  You may be reading this and think I'm completely full of bunk for saying and believing that or anything else about God...but I really do believe that.  There is no question in my head that God has a plan for each of us and that He is in fact, real.  He has so inextricably woven Himself into our lives through this whole cancer thing and we are so incredibly grateful for that.  It's been hard, its sucked, its been scary, we both have experienced feelings of helplessness and hopelessness beyond anything else we've ever known, but I know that I'm glad I haven't had to walk alone. The Lord is faithful in his care, unchanging in his love and grace for us and unwavering in his provision.  He has provided time, sustenance, finances, friendships, love, care, compassion, WONDERFUL family, random acts of kindness...I hope you know these things to be true in your own life as well.  I really do.  I know it to be true in mine and that of my wife - I sincerely pray that you get to experience God in a real, tangible and believable way; whether you've known Jesus for many years, never heard His name, or have heard his name and think I'm full of crap for all of this...He cares.  He loves you. There is hope.

May God bless you as he has us...thanks for reading kids, we love you!

Jeydrienne

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Final Numbers...

February 7, 2013

Hey there,

So we got a call last night about the egg count and after they drained, or "aspirated" 14 follicles (which is great, they were expecting a max of 12) they were able to incubate and then freeze, or "cryogenically preserve" 7 eggs!!!  We have 7 potential little Jeydriennes being kept in a tub of liquid nitrogen for what could be decades!  So exciting!!!! Do you see my exclamation points!!!???!!!

So, the hope of course is to not have to ever use any of them. We would ideally be able to conceive naturally, and not have to ever touch them again.  However, we did this as a safety measure, a "just in case" sort of thing, in the event that the chemo or the Tamoxifen render her infertile - GOD forbid, please.

By the way - who is Justin Case?  Has anyone ever actually met him?

We love you guys so much, and appreciate the prayers and thoughts and love that we have recieved.  I mean, really.  Thank you.

Love,

Jeydrienne

PS - more on the final details of chemo, start date, etc. as we know!

Done!

February 6, 2013

Hey there, real quick like - she is done, we got 14 eggs which is 2 more than expected which is obviously awesome!

Not all of them will actually be mature enough to freeze and then later use, and we'll know that number later tonight after the endocrinologist has had a chance to incubate them for 4 hours and then take a look at them under the microscope and determine which of them are good baby-making eggs!

She is doing really well, tired of course and in a little bit of pain but we are waiting on one prescription and then we'll be headed home for a day of good quality couch time with movies and the ol' jigsaw puzzle.

Much love!

J

Hurry up and wait

Morning of February 6, 2013

They just wheeled her back and booted us out...that site will never be fun.  The "procedure" should take about 30 minutes, she will wake up fairly quickly and should be in minimal pain.

The doc said that an average 50% of the follicles they are able to drain will yield viable eggs... that puts us at 7-8 eggs, and of those 50% will be mature eggs, so 3-4.  We are PRAYING for at least that many, and trusting that this whole thing won't be for naught.

Doing well, the team of folks in whose care she's in now are incredible folks who we have utmost confidence in.  They are really wonderful.  The nurse who was in charge of all of her pre-op care today was her post-op nurse for her mastectomy/reconstruction, and she was wonderful so it was so great to see her this morning and have the friendly face.  She remembered both of us which was so cool.  You might recall me raving about her in posts past.

Keep it up kids, pray works.

Love,

J

Deposits at the Egg Bank...

Morning of February 6, 2013

As has been suggested many times previous to this week, I realized after giving my wife her HCG shot directly in her derriere that I actually AM a pain in the a...well, "butt"

So...we are sitting right now in the day surgery waiting room at UCH, same place that we set up shop when she had her mastectomies, which is a strange place to be with that memory so readily available.  We have checked in and are just waiting to be taken back for all the pre-op stuff because its time to harvest the happy huevos! Jeydriennes people, thats what is at stake here.  Hopefully this is completely preventative, and we never actually have to use these eggs, but we are going to act in the belief that if we have them, we'll never have to use them; whereas if we didnt have them we would...that's some Murphy thing I think.

This is supposed to be a quickie here, I think we are staring at about a half hour for the actual surgery, which hopefully means we'll be done around 8:45-9:00.  Here's hopin'!

Pray please, that there are mature eggs in the follicles, (apparently the possibility exists that even after all of this stimulation and effort and money that there might not even be any viable eggs in there).  Pray also please that the actual surgery of course goes well and that she comes through flying on her colors or whatever and that this is just remembered as "no big deal".  I would love that to be the indicator of how this all went an how her body responds.  Neither of us slept very well last night and yes, its just one night, but that makes this whole deal a little bit more stressful.

I'll let you know how things are going and when she is out of surgery...have a great day!

J

Shoot when you see the whites of their...yolks?

February 4, 2013

Well here it is kids, the egg retrieval is gonna go down on Wednesday morning at 8:15!  Yeah!  This is so flippin exciting for several reasons, one of which the fact that this is finally almost over!

I cannot TELL you how uncomfortable she has been lately.  She has 17 follicles that are growing (under the influence of all these fun hormones) and they are all between 13 and 22 mm in size...which translates to 1.3 to 2.2 cm in size.  An inch is 2.54 cm long...SHE'S BLOWING UP LIKE A DAMN BALLOON.  So not comfortable. SO not comfortable.

She also got her expanders filled last week...lets talk about that for a second.  It looks like she has a couple bars of Dove Extra Moisture stuck under there.  I gotta tell you, its pretty amazing the fact that they can do this and on her its actually kind of cute - in a weird, soapy kind of way.

Based on having a retrieval date, this also means that we have a tentative chemo date WHIIIICH is next Tuesday. Good.  Scary.  Don't really know what to make of all this. Happy that its finally going to start because that means the end is in sight, scared because its friggin chemotherapy.  

So...that's the skinny.  Nothing fancy this time.  Thanks for the love and support, the prayers...we really appreciate it.  I mean, really appreciate it.  She is doing well, and I am continually impressed with her ability to straight-up tough it out. She is strong, and believes she can get through this...most days anyway :-).

God is good, He has a plan for us and its a plan to prosper us, not to harm us!

Oh, and...boobies.

Love,

Jeydrienne

Huevos Rancheros...

January 31, 2013

Well then, hello there!

I feel compelled to write you in order to keep you abreast of the situation...see what I did there!?!
I shamelessly stole that from someone, who’s name I shan’t repeat in order to protect the innocent.
The situation has changed!  There is much to bring you up to speed on, the first of which is that her period started!!! Never in the history of mankind has anyone been excited for Aunt Flo to pop in….weird. Also previously unheard of are the many, many fervent prayers that have landed upon the ears of the Lord for said period to come.  Who prays for that??? This guy does…and a bunch of other weirdos do too!

All jokes aside, this is such great news because that means that we get to do “fertility preservation” and “retrieve” the “oocytes” for “cryopreservation” to be used at a later date for the purposes of “in-vitro fertilization”.  What that means in real people terms is that we get to suck out the huevos, dunk ‘em in liquid nitrogen for a few years, defrost them and then make little Jeydriennes with ‘em!  One half of our kids will be frozen at -280 for a little while…oh well, I just hope it’s the right half.
We are currently in the thick of the process – I’ve been giving her subcutaneous (Just under the skin) shots in her cute little belly since last Friday evening, and those shots have contained a Follicle Stimulating Hormone.  They are like little steroid shots for the little eggies in her ovaries and the hormone makes them bulk up quite a bit more than they normally would in a normal menstrual cycle. Yes, I said menstrual. And I will again, so brace yourselves.

Another thing she is doing is taking a pill called Letrozole, which blocks the production of estrogen, which is a byproduct of the follicles being stimulated.  As the stimulating hormone is bulking up all those eggs during a woman’s cycle, estrogen is being produced as a byproduct of this whole deal – for a breast cancer patient who had an estrogen/progesterone receptive type of cancer such as my wife, who has not yet had chemo, this is obviously a less than desirable situation.  So, she takes this Letrozole which blocks just the estrogen and keeps the presence of it in the body at an extremely low level.

In a few days, she will start another drug called Ganirelix, which tricks her brain into thinking that the follicles are actually not being stimulated, which then makes the body produce even more of its own follicle stimulating hormone…

A few days after THAT she will take another drug called “stickyourwifeandmakehercry” or something like that, which will stop her body from actually choosing one of the eggs and kicking it out (otherwise known as “ovulation”).

Roughly 36 hours before the actual egg retrieval, she will take another drug…yes ANOTHER drug which will then make her eggs separate from the ovarian wall, (the first step in the actual ovulation process) and that will leave her in a place where she is ready for the retrieval process. Apparently they need the follicles to be floating freely in the ovary for the retrieval process, which at this point will happen sometime next week. (potentially Wed/Thur)
By the way…that last drug, the one that makes her ovulate is to be administered via this nasty, tree-trunk sized needle that would make an elephant shudder.  I’m telling you, this damn thing is a monstrosity born of the worst kind of medical evil known to mankind.
Perhaps I exaggerate, but to someone who used to cry when getting his teeth cleaned, it’s kind of a big deal.

Don’t judge me.

ANYWAY, this is all extremely weird and exciting and scary and just…wow.  Overwhelming.  Several times over the last few weeks as we’ve gotten to tell different folks face-to-face about this whole thing, people have consistently remarked at how amazing this whole process is.  To which I respond, thanks for the reminder!  I know that I, and I think Ade too have gotten bogged down in the details and the tasks and the emotion and the physical discomfort and so on and so forth, so much so that we forget what a remarkable thing it is to get to preserve our fertility.  On her side anyway…I guess we don’t actually know if my swimmers swim, but we’ll make the assumption for now that we do because there’s no point in worrying about that.  I figure at a rate of 1 million little fellas per heartbeat, there’s gotta be a few good ones.

First off, from the bottom of our grateful heart, thank you so much for the prayer.  I know that I speak for both of us when I say that we have never realize the presence of God in our lives as much as we have in the last few months.  He has shown himself to be huge in allowing our insurance company’s original 2 denials of our requests to stay with our docs to be overturned.  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that much in the last few updates, but we were going to have to switch all of our docs, mid process, to other approved providers because our insurance changed.  This as you can imagine was cause for a great deal of stress and anger.  Oh man…I was royally pissed.  There are just no better words, so please excuse the crass expression. However, after Adrienne spent Lord knows how many hours preparing the documents, we sent our 3rd appeal away for an external review which was part of our rights by law, it ended up in the hands of a breast specialist in Philadelphia who didn’t hesitate in overturning the decision with phrases like, “it would be merciless to make her switch providers in the middle of this, adding even more stress and anxiety to an otherwise stress ridden process”.  Thank God for that woman.

God has also been so present in the finances – we’ve been able to pay every bill, we’ve had enough to live on, God has provided work for my business, we’ve been given gifts from you fine people.  The most remarkable of these things is a sum of money showing up in our account via a tax error by her previous employer between the years 2006-2008, as well as another substantial sum of money provided by a relative of ours…fertility is paid for.  The entire process.  Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.  God is most certainly good in the most holy and humbling senses of that word and we will continue to trust Him to provide our finances.

It’s incredible.  This still sucks, don’t get me wrong and I wish she and we didn’t have to go through it.  HowEVER…Its changed me, its changed our marriage, its changed our outlook on life, its changed her, its changed our parents, its changed our friends.  All of these so much for the better, mind you.  You come to find that the little aches and pains that used to be a big deal, no longer really are.  In the light of cancer, and shots and hormones and mastectomies and chemotherapy and egg retrieval and, and…and – the STUFF doesn’t matter as much.  It’s just stuff.  My achy knee…just achy.  My headache…really? Build a bridge.  Making sure that the house looks absolutely immaculate when we have friends over, and trying to make them think that it always looks like that…not really worth it.  They know better anyway.

Have a wonderful day, I will do my absolute damndest to get a few more updates coming in the near days.  We will hopefully be starting chemo next Thursday.  That would be our ideal, and as I say that I realize that’s another thing that doesn’t often get prayed – “God, can we start chemo soon?”
Yes, please chuckle at that.  Its worth a chuckle.

Pray for my wife, for her body, her healing, her ability to handle all the shots, she’s getting stuck like a blind nudist in a cactus patch. Pray for her ability to sleep and actually be rested.  Her body is getting achy and the ultrasounds are getting more and more painful.  Pray for both of our patience, with each other, with drivers on the road during our trips to Denver every second day for the next 8-10 days. Oh man, bad drivers are starting to send me over the edge. Pray for me for sleep, rest, alertness, helpfulness, my ability to let the effects of HORMONES roll like water off the back of a duck…I love you dear. Thank God on our behalf please for His intervention with insurance, for surrounding us with you all, for the fine people at UCH who have cared so well for her, down to the receptionist at the breast center, a wonderful woman who has a smile and a warm greeting ready for us every dang time we show up.

We have come a long way, and have a long way to go.  Much of this journey has been made bearable by you.  I would boldly ask that you keep pouring into us, but her especially.  This whole deal has started to take a toll on her.  Anxiety reigns supreme in our house, because we are both just stinkin tired of this whole thing.

Hawaii anyone?

Love,
Jeydrienne

Back to the 18-year old breast thing...

December 23, 2012

Ha!  Nice to see you, it's been awhile :-)  I've gotten several comments about the fact that no one has gotten an update in a few weeks and how there must be something wrong since I haven't shared anything about her...rest assured, there is nothing wrong (well, you know...) we are just in a holding pattern for right now until the fertility stuff starts and its just been really nice to try to regain some normalcy in life.  We've not felt overly successful in that endeavor, but its been nice to have time to try.  We haven't had to focus so much on it lately, or type updates and talk about it non-friggin-stop which has just been very cathartic for us...my apologies however that I haven't kept you fine folks in the loop over this last few weeks of said holding pattern.

However, that having been said, this is only the calm before the storm.  Here's the kibble, take a bite if you like:

Fertility - I think I've explained this already, but here is a refresher: Fertility preservation can only begin when her period does, because the body needs to be already in the mode of stimulating follicles (that's what the ol' period does) and what the process of fertility preservation does is make that whole natural process of stimulating follicles go nuts basically.  She will be taking a ton of hormones (Follicle Stimulating Hormones to be exact...can you guess what they do?) that will make the body prepare far more eggs for ovulation than it normally does.  Basically speaking, when a woman has a "menstrual cycle" the body is waking up multiple eggs and making them get dressed for school, but then choosing only one to get on the bus...  The process of fertility and the hormones involved make quite a few more than normal get dressed and then the doc will go in and mechanically extract all of them that have gotten dressed. That is called egg retrieval and that will be done sometime between 7-14 days after the period (and the hormones) start.

Here's the sticky part of all this - if she starts any time before the 26th of December we have to wait until January's cycle or take essentially what is a birth control pill to make her body postpone it until the 26th (think "snooze button") because the endocrinologist (the person who will take the harvested eggs and freeze them) is out of the country until the 4th of January.  The really stupid thing is that we have to switch insurance providers and chemo has to start after fertility (that's the whole reason we're doing fertility preservation, that chemo will seriously mess with her body and hormonal functions and they may not ever get back to normal) and since its now impossible to start chemo before we switch providers at the first of the year, they are trying to pull some nonsense about how since she hasn't actually received her first chemo infusion and wont before the insurance switch then they wont cover it under our current docs. My thought was to tell that crap to the port that's installed under her skin with a line straight into her carotid artery, through which they will inject the chemo drugs, but...anyway, more on that later.

To wrap the fertility thing - we really want to do fertility preservation because of how the cancer drugs put a woman's body into medical menopause, and there is up to a 30% chance that she may never come out of it (depending on the doc you talk to). Adrienne also has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which means that whether or not she ovulates on a regular basis is highly debatable, and by the time chemo and the 1-2 years of the hormone suppressant Tamoxifen that she has to take will be done, we will be pushing 35 and still don't even know if we can get pregnant naturally to begin with.  Too many risks, and remember...Jeydriennes are on the line here. This is important.

Insurance - We selected the docs that we did because our current oncologist is one of 3 in the country who specializes in young womens' breast cancer care. Translation; all she does is treat breast cancer in women under 45 years of age.  Kaiser has denied our request to stay with her because they claim that she can get the same care and chemo infusions from one of the Kaiser docs. (Ps - neither of the other 2 young women's specialists are Kaiser docs) On one hand, I'm sure that's true in the sense that any Joe Blow can stick a needle in and inject a drug. NOT just anyone can do so in a manner that takes her young age, aggressive cancer and drug sensitivities into account. Adrienne talked at great length with the Patient Care nurse in the oncology dept. at Kaiser and was borderline horrified with their rather cavalier approach to chemo infusions; things like the fact that she would meet the oncologist and an hour later begin the infusion.  This is an issue because of the obvious discomfort with not knowing one's doc at all and then that doc injecting you with poison, but also because it is vital that on the first chemo infusion you have a steroid in your system for at least 12 hours before you get the infusion to help prevent possible anyphylactic-like allergic reactions to the drug.  The Kaiser nurse airily said that they would just pop it in the IV with the chemo drug.  I think  NOT. Kaiser also tried to pull the "common type of cancer" card, implying that that's why they wont allow us to stay with out current docs which of course we called shenanigans on.  It may be a common type of cancer, BUT NOT IN SOMEONE WHO IS AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 32!!! So kiss my booty on that, thankyouverymuch.

They have been less than supportive, and Adrienne is extremely frustrated, aggravated, anxious and pissed about this whole situation. Let me rephrase that - the reps who have come to her work to talk on behalf of Kaiser have been wonderful.  The people at the home office who actually make these decisions have been significantly less than wonderful.We both of course are having difficulty with this, but she really is.  Its frustrating to balance the whole thing because on the one hand, at least we have insurance and she will get the cancer care one way or another. There are many who can't say that, but also we believe that God led us to University Hospital and this specific team of specialized cancer docs and so its really frustrating to think that we might not get to finish there.  That having been said, God has not let us down yet and we do know and continue to operate as best we can in the fact that He has the best in store for us.  I think a lot of the difficulty in this, especially for Adrienne is the unknown of what will actually happen.  She has been feeling extremely overwhelmed because this is just one more thing that makes her feel like she's been shot at and missed, sh...pooped at and hit. Her question quite often lately has been why this and why now...?

There are so many little things that are affected by this fertility/chemo thing - we have a great friend who is getting married in January, and if we had to wait on the fertility preservation until her January cycle, there is a great chance we would miss the wedding because we have to be here to visit the fertility doc every other day during the process.  Tickets have already been purchased, and even though our docs have assured us they will write to the airline and get it taken care of, its an awful thought to have to miss that wonderful wedding. We are hoping to go away for the New Year's weekend, but if fertility starts on the 26th as would ultimately be the best, that means we will probably have to miss that weekend away with the fam.  In the grand scheme of things NOT a big deal, I know.  However it does make one think, and struggle and its very easy to just get pissy about the whole dang thing.  

We've noticed lately that our fuses are shorter with each other, and I think just with life in general.  Dare I even say, we have caught ourselves stumbling through the muck of self pity, MAYBE even throwing a little party every so often...its a terrible thing, although I do think a natural thing but it just never pans out.  A pity party is, without fail, like that huge kegger in college - the cops always get called, someone pees on the wheel of the cop car, gets arrested, and someone goes home with a black eye.  Its never fun in the end.

PS - I've never had that actually happen...I've just heard stories.

So - on the positive side, she is healing extremely well!  The pain is at a minimum (although not completely gone) and she has been sleeping better.  Nothing about her is 100%, but it is so much better than it was 2-3 weeks ago and only keeps getting better. She has had 2 fills of the expanders that are making room for the permanent implants that she will receive after chemo, and that is a hilarious process to watch! So, they use this little magnetic stud-finder dealey to locate the port in each expander, mark it on the skin, shove a horse needle in there that's attached to a syringe the size of a missile silo and inject 9 gallons of saline into each expander.  Its a mind-boggling thing to watch...they just get bigger.  I mean, they get BIGger.  So weird.  She walks around now saying, "look at my boobies, they're so BIG!" To briefly quit exaggerating here, they inject 50 cc's at a time, which is 1.69 oz...its really not that much.  However, in my defense that is almost 2 oz of fluid going UNDER HER PEC MUSCLE into a really expensive ziplock bag.  It's just not something you see every day.

They will expand that cavity to a larger size than that of the permanent implant that she will receive once chemo is done, so that they have wiggle room in there I guess.  Something like that. That means they'll bring out the silo 3-5 more times in the coming months to make room for that implant. 

Weird process, this whole thing just really is.  They forgot the "when your wife gets breast cancer" section in the user's manual we got when we got married.  On the positive side, it has brought us closer to each other, to our families and allowed us to speak into the lives of several other women who are going through this.  There have been several women who have spoken up and asked to talk to Ade, which she has loved doing and its given her great encouragement to be able to do that.  Thanks for the courage of you women who I'm talking about to ask and get in touch.

Thanks to each of you for the unending support you've shown us.  I know I say this every time, but its your dang fault I have to keep saying it - you keep checking in, you keep blessing us with financial help, you keep sending cards, you keep hugging us and seeking us out to talk and chat and love on us, you keep praying for us.  So there...Not my fault.  It continues to astound us how much we've been taken care of.  There is no question that God's hand is on this.  Adrienne made the point the other day that we've gotten every cent that we've needed to satisfy every bill that we've received so far. We've had people give us hundreds of dollars at a time to pay for the little pink plastic bracelets that my sister and mom had made as a fundraiser for us...those things cost some poor little kid in China 6 cents to make.  I know its not about the actual cost of the bracelet and that's exactly my point - we have felt so loved and taken care of in this whole process so thank you so very much.

Merry Christmas to you and may God richly bless you and your family today, tomorrow and every day after. I sincerely hope you have someplace to go for Christmas that you are looking forward to.  I also sincerely mean it when I say that you are welcome at our house with our families. My email address is jeremy.d.justus@gmail.com and Adrienne and I would love to have you join us this Christmas if you would like a loud and chaotic place to come hang out at for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day...drop me a line. Both of our mothers would love to set an extra seat at the table for you. 

We would love prayers for the insurance transition, for her body to get its act together and start that whole menstrual thing on the 26th, for Kaiser to allow us to stay with our docs (We are going to appeal the initial denial to stay with our oncologist) for us to continue to get rest, relaxation, quality sleep, for healing to continue and for hope to permeate our lives, our house and our attitudes. Thanks again so deeply for how you have helped us and shown us the Lord.  My prayer for you is that of a humble, broken dude who is far beyond words to express his gratitude - "Father lay your hand on the one who's eyes are reading this - allow those eyes to be opened to Grace, Mercy and Love.  May the peace that transcends all understanding, brought and left only by the Son of Man surround these people and change each heart forever. Amen"

A shout out to my gurl, Maddy Rasmussen...love ya kid, we are so looking forward to meeting you when you move here next summer!!!

To Mrs. D'Avis's 4th grade class, you delightful people make our day!  Welove our poster and there should be something in the mail coming your way.  God bless you and He hears the prayers you pray for us, so keep 'em coming!  We love you guys!

A wonderful man in church this morning shook my hand and said this to me, "the merriest of Christmas's to you my friend" and it just struck me as so sweet - so I say it to you; the merriest of Christmas's to you my friend, and my wife and I sincerely and deeply love you.  Be well.

Jeydrienne

Hello

November 28, 2012

Hey there,

I thought it about time to check in with y'all after the long weekend and share how the patient is doing.  So here goes...

She is actually doing really well, which is wonderful! There is still pain, it is a pretty constant thing, always a dull ache at best.  They took the external stitches out yesterday (the ones from that secondary surgery to remove the dead patches of skin) and the doc said everything looked great.  She has to go back in 2 weeks to have the doc look at them again and get her first "filling".  They will put a small amount of fluid into the expanders, which is the first of 6-8 over the course of the next 5-6 months. They will enlarge the expanders to a size actually slightly bigger than that of the permanent implants to allow the proper amount of room for them. Ugh.  They are going to try to coordinate filling the expanders with chemo treatments as much as possible to save the trips to Denver which is really great.

She is off of all painkillers except for Advil every once and awhile, when it gets really bad.  She's only waking up once, maybe twice a night and sleep is getting better and better.  She still wakes up super tired and sore and stiff, probably due in great part because she hasn't gotten a good, pain-free night of sleep in 3+ weeks. So that sucks.

However, every day is a just a little bit better than the one before, so thank God for that.

Right now is the calm before the storm, or the eye of the hurricane or whatever cheesy meteorological analogy you can think of...things are relatively calm around the Justus household for the most part.  She is planning on heading back to work in some capacity on Monday of next week, I've been working a little.  It's nice to get to that point for the sake of our sanity.  Its also nice to get back to work because our budget has taken a little bit of a hit from both of us being out of work for 3-ish weeks. The reason I say that it's a calm time is because we are just waiting for her to start her period...yes, her period...because then we get to start fertility!!! Yaaaaay!!!

That might be a little tongue-in-cheek...just sayin'.

The fertility process will be an interesting one.  We are going down tomorrow for, among other things a lesson in giving herself a shot because once her period starts, she will have to give herself a shot of Follicle Stimulating Hormone every day for 8-10 days, with a trans-vaginal ultrasound every other day.  Doesn't that sound like fun, ladies!?!  Gentlemen...I'm sorry you had to read that.

Boobies.

Anyway, so that should be in the next few weeks and our prayer and hope right now is that it does start somewhere around the 30-32 day mark because that will put this whole process starting around the 8th of December.  That means that the whole process will be done BEFORE Christmas which is what we are really pulling for.  Would it just not SUCK to have to go in for egg-harvesting on the 24th of December?  I mean, really...

So...chemo will start after the fertility, sometime just before or after the first of the year.  Not too excited about that but a fact of our life nontheless.  Its a little discouraging for several reasons, some obvious and others like that we have a great friend who lives in CA and she is getting married in January just a few weeks after chemo starts.  The problem is that we have no idea how her body will react to it; she may be fine and it may totally wipe her out.  Flying may be completely out of the picture for her, we have no idea.  Prayers for her for that please, that her body would handle it like a champ and she would have little to no side effects.

I've realized something fairly significant in the last month and a half; life is full of things that are either important or not.  This whole experience has been very polarizing for me.  Its made me realize that most of the crap that I get all bent about really doesn't matter when held in light of the person I love most in the world have a life-threatening disease.  Getting that next email out, or the guy who cut me off in traffic or the woman in the grocery store who took the last box of Ho-Ho's...whatever.  It doesn't matter.  It just really doesn't.  It really brings to light the things that will actually alter the course of my life, and the things that are just busywork. It actually has relieved a lot of stress for me! Its nice...

Story: I was driving to a jobsite yesterday and as I was coming to a pause in a roundabout to take a moment to judge whether the Dodge Ram 2500 that was just entering said roundabout was going to turn out or come my way, a towtruck driver who was blocking 1 of the 2 lanes in the roundabout and one exit showered me with f-bombs like it was his job for not moving fast enough through to satisfy his liking.  My first reaction was to make a comment suggesting that perhaps his mother wasn't married when he was conceived, but I didn't and I just looked at him with a shocked look on my face and drove on.  It made me really sad for him to be honest.  I'm not sure what sucks so much in his life that he feels it appropriate to holler at another human like that, but man...it must really be tough.  The thing is though, I've been there.  I've had that very attitude at several points real recently during this whole cancer thing; I get how it feels to be so mad that any person who happens to walk through the crosshairs gets blown away just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  However, I've also learned that that doesn't change a damn thing.  Being angry and acting like an ass and being rude to people never took Ade's cancer away. I sure tried it out to see if it would have an effect, but it just never did. I think it took going through it and acting like that to come to that understanding, but I'm there now.  Like I said, it just made me sad for the guy.  I prayed for him, not that the Lord would smite him and strike him down with a lightning bolt all Zeus-like, but that he would experience some peace and some healing and something other than the hell that he apparently lives in.

My prayer for you is the same. I hope you have some peace in your life at some point, from some source.  I hope Christmas means something else to you than feeling obligated to buy a whole bunch of Christmas gifts and spend money you may or may not have.  I hope it means time with your family and if you can't be with your family this year, come to our house for Christmas; Ade and I and our families would love to you.  No joke, I'm very serious.  This difficult, hard, ugly, sad world that we live in offers little joy on its own, but there is much to be found in love and in community with other good people...so find some. Our door is open.

Be nice to people.  Seriously, just be nice.  I need to be nice. We need to be nice.  It would change so much.

Have a wonderful day, I hope your thanksgiving was filled with love, laughter and ridiculous amounts of triptophan and I hope your Christmas is even better.

We love you,

Jeydrienne